Sheep! Sheep! Sheep! Sheep!
Andy Urben brought an inflatable sheep to marching band last week for no particular reason at all. Dubbed "Florence the Rally Sheep," she quickly became the section mascot. What follows is a profanity-laced tirade against the clarinet section. Read it at your own risk.
A few minutes into the third quarter, the clarinets' version of Robert Paulsen waddled under the bleachers and grabbed Florence from under us while we played. He jiggled his way west, where a clarinet section leader waited. She ran off with the sheep; though Andy pursued, he was unable to weave his way though the crowd. She later came back, and we asked for our sheep back. "I don't know where it is! I gave it to someone else!" she squealed. Fuck that.
Why do the clarinets feel the need to ruin our fun? Just because they stand in the back of the field every show and four of our section could drown all of them out, how do they feel that stealing an inflatable sheep will make them cool? Just because they sit their asses in the bleachers for the entire game, making no effort to support their football team? Are they that bitter about their station in life?
I'd like to paraphrase the immortal NWA:
Fuck the clarinets
Fuck, fuck, fuck the clarinets
Fuck, fuck, fuck the clarinets
Fuck, fuck, fuck the clarinets
I don't feel like I have adequately expressed my anger with the wood-sucking clarinet section. To the trombone playaz that I know are reading this now: please chime in and share with all of us why the clarinets suck dick.
October 05, 2002 - 04:30 PM
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WOW.
See… the problem is the clarinets think this is funny… the only problem is: IT’S NOT.
EARTH TO CLARINETS: Look… you’ve stolen a BLOW UP SHEEP and you think you’re the coolest people ever now… just think about that. Just like the post says.. probably the most significant thing you’ve done all year so far to actually DO YOUR JOB and support the football team is to clap once or twice if we score a touch down. The least you could do is not bother other sections who CHEER LIKE CRAZY and, unlike you apparently, HELP OUR TEAM.
I would also like to point out that at BOTH occasions where you have stolen the sheep, the Dukes have suddenly began losing the game. all of a sudden, right when you steal the sheep. No kidding.
I can’t think of anything more to say
oh wait
clarinets: y’all should just stop being stupid and give us the sheep back. or $20, your call.
thank you.
You know what? I was sick as shit at the game on Saturday…….and had i felt better, i woulda seriously punched that fat ass bitch that took our shit. Messin with the Trombones isn’t like messin with the faggot saxophones…..the clarinet section (and any other section caught conspiring with) has effortlessly brought hell upon themselves. Personally not giving a fuck about band period…..they will pay….and pay dearly. You dont fuck with Florence….if you guys cant get off your fat asses and contribute to the football game in any other way other than pissin this redneck off…..you seriously need to become Yankees fans….which by the way suck my ass. Clarinets = Die…….done.
Screen name of fat clarinet section leader who stole Florence: eshabsha
WTF YOU STUPID CLARINET PLAYERS? GIVE THEM THEIR GOD DAMNED SHEEP BACK SO ANDY CAN GET BACK TO HIS BEASTIALITY!!! Not to mention that the clarinet is a fag’s instrument, you’re stealing a blow up sheep. I mean, come on. Go get your own damned mascot you low lifes. If you can’t think of something origanal then just don’t think. Please kill yourself, thank you.
I am outraged by the current situation. Florence did nothing wrong, she hurt no one, she only helped. The point just needs to be made, that the clarinets suck. .It’s no secret, they always have. Perhaps the root of the problem is that they never get any recognition for anything ever, and since try as they might, they could never recieve positive feedback (maybe if they would get off their lazy asses and contribute to the band’s effort to support the football team) they are acting out like contrived little children. They are getting attention the only way they know how, causing problems. Well in their own little world this method may work fine, but step back and look at the macroscopic ramifications of these acts, everyone hates you. Let me restate that, everyone has hated you for a while, but we kept our feelings dormant for fear of ruining your pathetic sense of whateverness, well now you have awakened the sleeping giant, and he is not easily pacified. Unfortunately you brought ruin on you and all your kind. Are clarinets everywhere as shallow as you, no, but they will be percieved as such for years to come. I demand the safe return of our mascot, and as Florence’s personal physician, I demand she be returned unhurt, any sign of ecchymosia, or erythema, any metrorrhagia, any change in appetite or diet, any remote signs of hypovolemia and/or dehydration (that might be the only word you understand) from her term of imprisonement and torture, and i will not rest until revenge is sought. oh and saxophones you suck, nothign more be said, i just want to point out that ants marching is a mellophone song from last year, in no way were we making fun of you, but your simple minds couldn’t figure that out, so you are idiots, and how long did it take you to figure out the notes to low rider??? my job here is done, florence i love you where ever you are
actually I don’t mind his arrangements all that much anyway ::shrug::
what in god’s name is wrong with you people?
some dumb fucker had an inflatable sheep?
and someone stole it?
and now you’re sad?
holy mother of god. if this was an event so important in my life, that i would need to document my OUTRAGE at the lack of inflatable sheep named FLORENCE (?) i would promptly shoot myself in the face. and i quote “the clarinet is a fag’s instrument” IF YOU ARE UPSET ABOUT THIS, YOU CAN’T MAKE FUN OF ANYBODY. i try not to make fun of people because they play an instrument.. that would be wrong. i’m making fun of all of you because you sound like MORONS. for god’s sake, the reason your football team loses is because THE QUARTERBACK SUCKS! not to mention an apparent inability to make tackles for the most part. maybe instead of complaining about not having your sheep, you should stop yelling at clarinet players and write a petition to Mickey Matthews encouraging him to cut Lezotte, and make his offensive line start BLOCKING. but enough about football. you should all be ashamed of yourselves. you’re in college. and this is making me sad just thinking about it all.
may god have mercy on your souls.
PS- if i was in the clarinets, i would be laughing too
“PS- if i was in the clarinets, i would be laughing too”
If you were in the clarinets you’d have man tits and we probably would have already kicked your ass long ago.
Moving on…
I’m a trombone at Virginia Tech, but after careful observation of this sheep incident, I’m sure I can nail the motive behind this unjust sheep-nabbing. The indisputable facts are that these clarinets are sexually deprived. Yes, folks. Your clarinets are sheep fuckers. I would like to express my condolences towards poor Florence, and my disgust at this perveted clarinet section. I never knew Florence, but I wouldn’t wish that fate on any inflatable animal. Clarinets, you will surely rot in hell.
i will not give my name or location, but i can tell you that i am a brass player and i can confirm a florence sighting on sunday october 6 between the hours of 0100 and 1200. i will be working on returning her and will not rest until i have done so. that is all for now. i will keep you posted.
I don’t even go to your fucking school. But you guys need to grow up and get a life. You all sound like a bad teen movie staring Jason Biggs only instead of him f*ing a pie he has sex with the Band’s inflatable sheep. Jesus Christ People just get a real life!!!
Fuck you “Have a Life”. If you had a life, you wouldn’t even be reading this.
yeah… it’s over… and rightfully so, but, indeed, we still do have a legitimate gripe about the price of their muffins….
sigh
Thank you…
I was getting rather sick of it too.
correction: I’ve been reeeaaallly sick of this whole thing ever since it started…. It sure did a good job of ruining my football game experience on Saturday, from both sides. Oh well. glad it’s over.
hope you’ve all had a great weekend.
take care
I am one of the clarinet section leaders and have been reading the post ups now for about an hour. I can honestly say that “All Together One” has NOTHING to do with the James Madison University Marching Royal Dukes. For a section that seems to be all about the jokes, the trombones sure can’t take what they dish out. You let a few clarinets get the best of you and now the conflict might even be in the morning paper. We don’t need Virginia Tech or any other school in our buisness. Trombones, I feed you guys at halftime. I hoped that you would have realized that the sheep incident was all a joke. I don’t care what you believe about sectional hiearchy. Everyone comes to marching band and puts in their time and effort. We may not be as loud as the trombone section, but we have the same amount of heart and enthusiasm when it comes to putting on a show. Just because we don’t yell obscene things at football players doesn’t mean that we are any less spirited. We took the sheep as a joke. A J-O-K-E! If you are such intellectual beings (you claimed to be earlier), sit and think about what that means. You found it necessary to play dirty by making attacks on people you barely know. That’s no good and you all know it. Just as a hint, you should be careful of what you commit to writing. I have too many hard copies of this forum and any further complications to a normal sectional relationship may lead to band staff intervention (involving people who said such crude things in this forum). Another hint on life in general would be try not to be cruel. You never know what clarinet player you may be working with or under in the future. I guess we can attempt to be on good terms again. Your red and white “mascot sheep” is in the music lounge on the vending machine. It is labeled “Beefy” just like the woodwind players that finally got the best of the brass.
Wow. Let me just say that this shit happens every year. The brass is always dishing out shit on the woodwinds. (you can call me al.. Do i need to say more??) and we take it calmly and politely. But as soon as we start to dish shit out, you guys flip the fuck out!! I mean what the hell?!?! Its about damn time we got a little bit back of what we deserve. you go clarinets.. its about damn time!!
the whole sheep-theft was a good natured, lighthearted joke. then, some of u decided to post ur opinions up here. u blew things way out of proportion, were insanely obscene, offensive, and completely rude. i chose to be a little more civilized in this post. and don’t get me wrong, i’m fully capable of being as crude and obnoxious as any of u on this web page, but is it really worth it? i mean, how much anger can be roused from losing a plastic sheep? some of u were good enough to know how far was too far, and that’s appreciated. others of you though, went way off the deep end. the things said on this board may have brought a lot of laughs for u, but ultimately, a lot of people (not just clarinets) have lost a lot of respect for your section. in the grand scheme of things respect for ur fellow human is just a little more important than a section mascot. do us all a favor by learning how to chill out and stop taking urselves (and ur sheep) so damn seriously.
I agree with Andy. Tempers flared. Its all over. Lets just stop talking about it. Apologies have been given from everyone involved. Lets end it there.
ummm, since when has this been between the brasses and woodwinds? its between the trombones and clarinets, that is all. I wasn’t going to get involved in this, but when my section is attacked for no reason, I get pissed. Yeah, the clarinets get shit at the games, but you aren’t the only ones. The trombones give every section shit (and receive it too), not just the clarinets. If you haven’t noticed, every other section understands that it is all in good fun and they don’t care. Stealing something is a lot different than saying something. Other sections enjoyed the mascot and are highly upset and disgusted that the clarinets are so childish that they had to steal it to inflate their self-esteem. Why would you be proud of stealing a toy?
On the other hand, the trombones reaction to it was childish. Personally attacking members of the clarinet section was inappropriate. I can understand why the trombones are upset, but it should have been handled in a more matture manner.
In conclusion, the clarinets are whiny bitches, and the trombones are childish assholes (the trumpets are cocky bastards, the drumline is a bunch of dicks, the tubas are just fuckin’ retarded, the mellophones suck, the saxes also suck, and the flutes can never be heard so I don’t know what to say about them). It is a stalemate. Apologize and get over it.
Nameless Poster, it’s been over. Take a breather. That’s it. That’s it. That’s it. Now, you’re feeling better. Alright. Good. Good. Now that you feel better, go to bed.
When I first came to JMU I had no idea what to expect. Joining the MRD’s was the best thing to happen to me. I made so many great friends that I really didn’t feel like a freshmen after the 1st week. I didn’t care what section they were in. Stupid me, I should have just stereotyped everyone right away and only made friends with my section.
… 8 kids were just shot, my friend lives 2 minutes from Benjamin Tasker where they were shot. I’d finish this post but there are more important things in life…
You are right that there are more important things and life. Also, the matter has already been resolved. Please refrain from dragging it out any longer. IT IS OVER.
amen brother
Why apologize? I don’t feel the need to honestly…I come outta the bathroom from pukin my guts out on Saturday to find a clarinet player walkin away with my horn. What The Fuck Is That??? You took the sheep….ok we got pissed….me especially as 2 games ago when the sheep first came out, the looks i got from holding up that sheep and screaming were enough to kill anyone…but i still did it didnt i? Then the sheep is taken bc these fuckin teenyboppers that sit waaaay low in the stands saw that it was outrageously more clever than anything they’ll ever come up with, and took it as a joke. A joke?? If it was a joke, when we got serious and demanded our “property” back….why was it not promptly returned? Why was other personal property (my horn) also taken….and had to be wrestled back from the bastards? So in short I say….leaders do what you must to repair the bridges you feel youve burned….it was a shitty act….it was wrong….this is an open ended forum on a personal website….life lesson learned: DONT SAY SHIT YOU DONT MEAN…..I’m not apologizing…done
COOL
Read the exciting conclusion to this issue!
http://www.maximumaardvark.com/archives/000738.html#000738
http://www.maximumaardvark.com/archives/000740.html#000740
http://www.maximumaardvark.com/archives/000741.html#000741
http://www.maximumaardvark.com/archives/000744.html#000744
AJS