As I Prepare for My Flight

Some thoughts from the master, George Carlin:

Did you pack your bags yourself?

No. Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night, fixed me a lovely lobster Newburg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way around-the-world and then packed my bags. Next question.

Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?

No. Usually the night before I travel--just as the moon is rising--I place my suitcases out on the street corner and leave them there, unattended, for several hours. Just for good luck. Next question.

Has any unknown person asked you to take anything on board?

Well, what exactly is an 'unknown person'? Surely everyone is known to someone. In fact, just this morning, Kareem and Youssef Ali bin Gabba seemed to know each other quite well. They kept joking about which one of my suitcases was the heaviest.

June 03, 2003 - 01:43 PM