Invitations
I know I said that this wouldn’t become a wedding-planning blog, but Amanda and I have been talking about it a lot in the past couple days. It’s going to be a mostly do-it-ourselves affair, and a simple one at that, because we don’t want a lot of people telling us how to get married. We’ll be breaking a lot of traditions along the way, and my motivation is for people to leave the party saying, “That was the strangest wedding I have ever been to.”
With this in mind, I address the topic of invitations. I was always astounded at the waste involved with ornate Bar and Bat Mitzvah invitations. Amanda is pushing for hand-made paper with leaves embedded, and I supported her idea until this morning. I had a brainstorm on the way to campus, however, and I’ve taken a few minutes to create a mock-up of what I think our invitation should look like. Vote in the comments for which idea you like better.
April 13, 2004 - 10:52 AM
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Not funny.
I’m not altogether sure that the actual marriage ceremony is FOR the people getting married.
I was talking to John about this, and he mentioned that for his upcoming wedding with Leigh, all he really needed to satisfy himself was to just take Leigh aside somewhere and speak with her. Just that, just tell her honestly and openly everything that this marriage and their relationship means to him, and how it’s going to affect their future together.
The actual wedding ceremony isn’t for John and Leigh, it’s for their family and friends, to share in that special relationship. I believe it’s the same with any couple, really; they don’t NEED any sort of ceremony to avow their love, they do that every day in their commitment to each other.
So while I can certainly understand not wanting people to tell you how to get married, isn’t it important to take into consideration the opinions of the people you love?
The tone of these two comments is entirely too serious. The kitten thing is a joke. Sorry if you didn’t pick that up in the body.
Dan’s comment had a few things worth responding to, so here goes:
First, when I said “we’ll be breaking a lot of traditions,” I meant things like getting married in a church and making people dance. These things make us uncomfortable, and we don’t want them to be things we remember when we look back on the day we got married.
Traditionally, I would buy Amanda an engagement ring. That’s not us. Breaking traditions means asking Amanda’s mom if we can use her engagement ring as our engagement ring in an attempt to start a tradition of our own—hopefully, someday, one of our children will give to or receive from the person with whom they want to spend the rest of thier lives the same ring.
Breaking traditions does not mean that we will be getting married in Vegas this summer, does not mean that a live sacrifice to the pagan gods will be made at the ceremony, and does not mean that we will be cutting the head off a chicken to sprinkle its blood in a circle around us (though we did briefly consider the latter). Breaking traditions does not mean that we don’t want people we love there, and it does not mean that we’ll disregard their feelings in deciding how we are married. But ultimately, choices will come down to whether or not they’ll make us miserable on what is ostensibly our day.
And it will be our day. No, I don’t need a ceremony to prove that I will love Amanda until we’re dead, but somehow, I really want one. I want to get up in front of everyone and try to express just how special she is, and just how much I love her, and just how hard I will try to make her happy every day of our lives. I could write these words in 24pt type on the front page of maximumaardvark.com and leave them there forever, but that’s not even remotely close to saying them aloud in front of our family and friends. And then I want to have a party with our family and friends to celebrate our new family.
Finally, the kitten thing was a joke. So was the “strangest wedding I have ever been to” comment; I would have conveyed my feelings better had I used the word “unique.” I want our day to be memorable. But I rarely take anything very seriously, and I’m a little surprised that anyone who knows me well would not recognize this.
I thought the kitten invitation was great.
The discussion it inspired is worthwhile, though. I hate the idea that one’s own wedding somehow belongs to one’s family and friends, as if they are anything but guests at a ceremony centered around an oath taken by the bride and groom. The ceremony is the oath, that is the sole reason for the event.
That said, you do take on the responsibilities of a performer. You can certainly do things that will alienate your audience: whether or not you want to do that is up to you. My suggestion is to temper a spirit of adventurousness with a willingness to play to the crowd. But realize that almost everyone plays it safe. Why not stretch things just a little bit?
My father (the minister at my wedding) tried to convince us on the day of the wedding to change from the old Book of Common prayer (with sentences like “I plight thee my troth”) to the more modern version. “Those words won’t mean anything to most of the people at the wedding,” he said.
“Shakespeare doesn’t mean anything to lots of people, either, but —— ‘em. It’s worth it.”
Take some risks.
Nate, thanks for the story and the encouragement. We most certainly will.
I think that our wedding is for everyone. I’m not a girl who has had visions of how the day would go since I was little, but I did know that it was something that I wanted. It would be a way to share my love with the person I love enough to marry, as well as my family that I love and the people I love as my friends.
And I think that’s why AJ and I are going (at least in our early discussions) to such lengths to make sure this is an event that is for everyone, from Zoe who can’t sit still for a minute, to Nanna, who just wants to sit and talk and take it all in, to me and AJ who don’t care if we have a first dance. This may not involve the opinions of others, but just because we’re not putting out a comment box to capture everyone’s suggestions doesn’t mean we aren’t thinking of them the whole time.
I’ve been in three family weddings (2 as a guestbook attendant and 1 as a bridesmaid), and I don’t ever remember being asked “Do you like this dress?” or “What do you think of this pen?” or “Do you really think that having it here is the right thing to do?” And I don’t ever recall feeling offended or hurt by this. I simply saw it as the right of those who had that as their special day. I simply feel that it’s part of the territory, and that’s fine by me. The rest of us show up and enjoy it because of the reason for the event.
As Auntie Gail said the other day when I said that we wanted to get married at the Farm, “We always thought Heather would want to do it there, or in a rock in the middle of a stream. But she went for the traditional route, and that was fine by us. It was their decision to make.”
I vote for the hand made paper invitations, but I did think the kitten one was very funny. And I knew that it was a joke, too.
At least actually cut out the letters instead of some dumb font!
Well, yes, of course. This was but a mock-up.